I’ve been working with a couple of my coaching clients lately on shifting their one-on-one meetings with their direct reports from being fully focused on projects to having more “spaciousness”. The supervisors I work with report feeling like they are rattling through a project list for an hour and then moving on to a new nightmare. That approach prevents them from getting focused updates on the large projects that need their neurons and spending quality time with their people.

Pushing authority downward and trusting people to make level-appropriate decisions can unburden you both from feeling like you’re running an ER, offer opportunities for performance feedback (in both directions!) and offer some welcome perspectives on your departments’ work and your mutual expectations.

But how do you get there?

One way to test a new style is by incorporating some coaching questions into your meetings. The best coaching questions are open-ended, people-focused questions that don’t “lead the witness” and invite the employee into the conversation as an equal. Cal-ICMA has a wonderful resource on this, and several of their questions could be relevant here, such as “What do you wish you had more time to do?” As summer starts and municipal budgets are reviewed, maybe you found 10k that’s encumbered that you can use to buy a resource or hire an intern. If you understand your employees’ needs, that could free that employee up to do the thing they wish they had more time to do.

As a lady who processes the world verbally, I had a wake-up call earlier this year when I noticed an employee was being quiet during one of my noodle-doodle sessions. When I asked her what was up, she said, “I am a thoughtful person and I’d love to know what you’re thinking about discussing so I can prepare better. I feel like I don’t do as well when you ask questions on the spot”. It got us to such a great spot – I now offer her a heads-up about what’s on my mind before meetings. I heard her, she feels respected, and I get the benefit of her beautiful brain feeling prepared for the noodling and doodling.

Ask these questions for more valuable on-on-one meetings

Here are a few more questions to consider asking direct reports.

• When someone is hyper-focused on negative outcomes or hung up on a hypothetical, encourage them to re-focus by asking “What is possible?” or “What impact would you like that to have?” We can get held up on big ideas, but small tactical wins can be a ladder to major impact.
• If your employee struggles with confidence despite having an excellent track record, try asking them “When have you done something like this before and what steps did you take?” This allows them to make plans and build their confidence instead of just borrowing yours.
• When you see an employee having an emotional reaction during a 1×1 you can gently ask “What’s coming up for you?” Holding space for them to explore emotions fosters psychological safety and could offer you a brand-new perspective on their motivators and needs. You don’t have to own all of it, but witnessing it and being kind can have a great impact on their well-being.
• If you typically set the meeting agendas for your 1x1s, try giving yourself a meeting off and ask the employee “What would be most useful to explore today?”. Letting them take those reigns allots them the personal agency to ask for what they need.
• When they drop the proverbial ball or don’t meet expectations try asking “What would you do differently next time?” Often people are aware of when a public meeting didn’t go well. They notice when their PowerPoint is wonky and they definitely feel it when they’re unprepared. Letting them tell you what went wrong can feel less accusatory and offers them the ability to make new decisions and ask for the support they need to do it better next time.

Better questions can unlock an employee’s potential

I’ll offer another example of how shifting to better questions got me to a better place with a former employee. My staff person (let’s call her Sam) had been working on a project that was scheduled to go to Council, and I was doing that thing managers do where I told her “This is a great opportunity for you to present your work”. For a couple months I just assumed Sam was in, but when I went to confirm with her, she offered up a very pregnant pause. I missed something: her anxiety about presenting – and answering questions she couldn’t be 100% prepared for – to a body she’d never presented to before.

So instead of telling her she had to do the presentation or patronizing her, I asked “How would it feel to present your work?” and then “How would it feel to watch someone else present your work?” These questions shifted Sam to a future state where she could visualize presenting, or not, made the lightbulb go off immediately – she would have hated to miss being the one to present the project that she’d been working on for months.

If you try any of these strategies, drop us a line and let us know how the energy in your meeting changed! Email us at info@solutions-mrg.com.

And remember: not every one-on-one meeting needs to feel like an emotionally-transformational experience. Sometimes one-on-one meetings need to be focused on projects lists but when you’ve got the time, take it – your employee will appreciate it.